There’s no fucking way my life is supposed to be this fucked up.

If this is the way my life is supposed to end, then bring it on. I am tired of living the pain. I hate the emptiness, the solitude, and the loneliness each day brings. I am not anxious to die, but this is not living. I no longer experience joy. I no longer have hope. Am I not already dead?

The entire world, every Country, every populace suffers today. We are stuck in a pandemic world in which we are unable to thrive. People that ache to be close cannot be. We are no longer able to gather in groups and meet one-another. There is no expansion of our existence, forced to shelter within our own space. How do people fall in love now? Is it even possible? And, is it possible to live without love or the closeness of another? If it is, do we want to?

This last year brought about a new racism, for which it appears that people think they can fight racism with racism. It won’t work because it just creates additional racism, hatred, and distrust between the races. Politicians and others that have wealth to comfort them make decisions that take from one and give to another while they are not affected by such decision, forcing those that are affected into a new racism that could be avoided by fairness. You want to defeat racism . . . Treat all men equal.

I hate life now. There is nothing in this new world for me, and I have nothing to offer it. Most people of my acquaintance are absolute bullshit. None appear to have to have honor or ethics. I seriously doubt a single person has either, most waiting to feed upon the others when they fall. Everybody seems content to live the lie of their own existence. None care to find a way to a better life.

I either need to find what I need to enjoy my last years of my life, or give up. If my life is to be of no meaning except to be miserable in a world already filled with misery, then what value do I provide humanity? I believe I was destined to make a difference, but how can I when I may not give a damn myself. I believe all men have the ability to reach deep within themselves to find the strength to pick themselves up and carry on. God grant me such strength as we move forward into another new year